"50 questions" #2

So, I decided to answer the "50 questions" that I've posted before. Well, you know, just for fun.

Here you go.

“50 questions”

1. What would you name your future daughter?

-          Honestly, I’ve never thought about it yet.

2. Do you miss anyone?

-          Yes. I miss those (friends and families) whom I haven’t been seeing for quite some time.

3. What if I told you that you were pretty?

-          Aww. I think I’d be shy and not knowing how to respond other than smiling and saying thank you. But if it’s possible, I’d give you a hug.

4. Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?

-          No.

5. What are you looking forward to in the next week?

-          Nothing, I guess. But I’m so looking forward for this weekend’s event.

6. Did you go out or stay in last night?

-          Stayed in.

7. How late did you stay up last night?

-          I fell asleep at almost 5 in the morning. I just can’t sleep.

8. Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months?

-          No.

9. What were you doing at 12.30 this afternoon?

-          Since I’m answering this during midnight so automatically what I’m doing on yesterday’s afternoon. Ok. I think I was listening to the radio.

10. Have you ever told someone you loved them and not actually meant it?

-          No. I have never done that. Why would I do that? That’s just mean.

11. Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?

-          I’m not an alcoholic (but if anyone has offered me a shot, why not?!) person so, yes I can do that.

12. Have you pretended to like someone?

-          Can’t really recall but I think I did.

13. Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?

-          I don’t smoke so yes.

14. Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

-          There are lots of them actually.

15. Is it hard for you to get over someone?

-          If that love feeling exists between me and whoever the person is, then it would be yes.

16. Think back 5 five months ago, were you single?

-          Always have been.

17. Have you ever cried from being so mad?

-          One of my weaknesses is that I can’t continue with what I wanted to talk about if I’m super mad. A sea of tears would flow for sure.

18. Hold hands with anyone this week?

-          Yes. (With my cats)

19. Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?

-          Frankly speaking, I haven’t had my first kiss. (LOL)

20. Who did you last see in person?

-          That would be my friends but not really in person.

21. What is the last thing you said out loud?

-          Was asking my dad about water when I was in my room and he’s outside.

22. Have you kissed three or more people in one night?

-          Please refer to question 19. (LOL)

23. Have you ever been to Paris?

-          No, I haven’t. But it’s in my list.

24. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

-          I’ve mastered it.

25. Do you use Chap Stick?

-          I don’t, most of the time. Unless, I really need it or I feel like I want it.

26. Who did you last share a bed with?

-          My cat. Really.

27. Are you listening to music right now?

-          Yes.

28. What is something you currently want right now?

-          Hmm. I don’t think I need to write it. So, next.

29. Were your last three kisses from the same person?

-          You would want to refer to question 19, again.

30. How is your heart lately?

-          I think my heart is feeling much better. Or not really. I mean sometimes when it’s feeling OK but it also immediately dropped to not feeling OK. I think it’s quite scary.  

31. Do you wear the hood in your hoodie?

-          Really?

32. When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?

-          Few months ago, I guess.

33. What do people call you?

-          Lid, Lidwina, Lady or a nickname (I can’t tell) that my family used to call me.

34. Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t?

-          Always.

35. Are there any stressful situations in your life?

-          Are you kidding me?

36. What are you listening to right now?

-          “Shuo Le Zai Jian” by Jay Chou. Which means – Say Goodbye.

37. What is wrong with you right now?

-          I don’t even know what is wrong with me.

38. Love really is a beautiful thing huh?

-          Yes. Only if you don’t take granted of it.

39. Do you make wishes at 11:11?

-          No. Why would I?

40. What is on your wrists right now?

-          I had this black kind of wood bangle on my left hand that I’ve been wearing for 6 years now.

41. Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused/waiting for the unexpected?

-          I am confused, wondering, planning and single too.

42. Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing?

-          I’m wearing my mom’s baggy shirt right now. It’s so comfortable.

43. Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

-          Back to question 19. Would you?

44. Have you hugged someone within the last week?

-          No.

45. Have you kissed anyone in the last five days?

-          Obviously, no.

46. What were you doing at midnight last night?

-          I’m in front of my laptop watching Korean variety shows.

47. Do you miss the way things were six months ago?

-          No (80%) and yes (20%)

48. Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?

-          I wouldn’t mind sleeping alone but it’ll be fun if I had lots of cats sleeping with me.

49. Have you ever been to New York?

-          No. But again, it’s on my list. Who knows if I get there, I’d have the chance to be featured in Humans of New York.

50. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

-          I always have people saying those 3 words to me but in a different ways. And I think that they do mean it. I hope I guessed it right though. 

That's it.

On a side note, I had a fringe now. I just had my little brother fixed up the mess that I've done with my new front hair. Not really sure if this fringe thing suits me but I'll just embrace it.

"50 questions" #1

There’s this page in Facebook called “berlin-artparasites.”

"berlin-artparasites shares compelling artwork that alters the way we live, love, work, play, think and feel" (Arts/Humanities Website), berlin-artparasites.

I’ve been following the page for few months now. I can say that it’s one of my favorite things in Facebook. Because sometimes the posts managed to express the thoughts that I’ve always had in mind but couldn’t let it out. It’s just simply refreshing, beautifully expressed and it makes me go, “Dang! That’s what I feel.” The feels is just so deep. And I really liked it. It feels like someone understands what you’re feeling.  

One of the posts title recently was, “50 questions” (with a picture), painting by David Hockney.

I feel like I wanted to answer the questions. It’s interesting. But maybe I should think about it first but for now I’m just going to put the questions here.

So, here you go.

“50 questions”

1. What would you name your future daughter?
2. Do you miss anyone?
3. What if I told you that you were pretty?
4. Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?
5. What are you looking forward to in the next week?
6. Did you go out or stay in last night?
7. How late did you stay up last night?
8. Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months?
9. What were you doing at 12.30 this afternoon?
10. Have you ever told someone you loved them and not actually meant it?
11. Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?
12. Have you pretended to like someone?
13. Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
14. Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
15. Is it hard for you to get over someone?
16. Think back 5 five months ago, were you single?
17. Have you ever cried from being so mad?
18. Hold hands with anyone this week?
19. Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?
20. Who did you last see in person?
21. What is the last thing you said out loud?
22. Have you kissed three or more people in one night?
23. Have you ever been to Paris?
24. Are you good at hiding your feelings?
25. Do you use Chap Stick?
26. Who did you last share a bed with?
27. Are you listening to music right now?
28. What is something you currently want right now?
29. Were your last three kisses from the same person?
30. How is your heart lately?
31. Do you wear the hood in your hoodie?
32. When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?
33. What do people call you?
34. Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t?
35. Are there any stressful situations in your life?
36. What are you listening to right now?
37. What is wrong with you right now?
38. Love really is a beautiful thing huh?
39. Do you make wishes at 11:11?
40. What is on your wrists right now?
41. Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused/waiting for the unexpected?
42. Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing?
43. Have you ever regretted kissing someone?
44. Have you hugged someone within the last week?
45. Have you kissed anyone in the last five days?
46. What were you doing at midnight last night?
47. Do you miss the way things were six months ago?
48. Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?
49. Have you ever been to New York?
50. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

Isn’t it interesting?

I’ve been answering these questions in my mind. I just need to put it into words and it’s done.

But, should I do it?

Yes?

No?

We’ll see.

Losing Myself

As I am writing this, I had no positive thoughts in me. I am occupied with on and off different kinds of negative thoughts. I have so many things on my mind. Wished to let it out on my blog but I don’t even know how to start or where to start or what to write. I don’t even know if my fingers want to type any words but it’s typing now. Can’t even decide if I’m hungry and I want food or I’m just thirsty but when I went to the kitchen, I was just washing my hands when it’s not even dirty and straight went back to my room. What the hell was that? I think I want a cup of tea mixed with milk and my favorite cookies Chipsmore and Oreo but I don’t feel happy. I want to feel happy while I’m having them just like the other nights. I saw familiar faces but every word that comes out from my mouth are something that I didn’t meant to utter. Because there’s something deep hidden beyond every words that has been spoken. And it’s totally up to me whether to splash or zip it. If I splash it, that’s not me. If I zip it, at least it’s me but it’s killing me. It’s like you’re slowly dying but not because of diseases but because of your own thoughts. You are suffocating. Some days, you managed to fight it really well, how wonderful that feeling was. But other days, you just have it worst, it’s totally conquering you. 

For now, I just don’t feel good. I feel like if there’s an award for the greatest failure person then that award should goes to me. I feel like I’m not good enough in everything. I feel like I haven’t achieved anything in my life. Please understand that I am not being an ungrateful person but it is because I am a human being with heart and a feeling causes me having these ‘not good enough’ kinds of feelings. And I’d like myself to believe that it is totally acceptable and OK to feel like this sometimes because there are tons of people out there saying and telling me that “life is not going to be sweet and smooth, it’s going to be like you are on a roller coaster. You’ve been doing it wrong if everything goes well. Because if you haven’t been feeling all the lows and downs feelings, you wouldn’t know how to appreciate life better.” I’d take that as my struggles in life will shape me on to a way of becoming the person I aspire to be. It’s just that it’s not working on me right now. I mean it does work most of the time but sometimes, it didn’t.

Sometimes when negativity consumes me, I have this strong thought of wanting to go out, sitting beside a stranger and just casually talking about life like I’ve known him/her for years. I feel like I wanted to be surrounded by kids, asking and answering questions with them wonderful people. Because usually children gives the most sincere and pure answers that I’m sure can brings out the best in me. I feel like I wanted to share my foods and drinks with anyone who doesn’t have it and needs it. I feel like I wanted to text and call the people that I adore so much in my life, telling them that I don’t feel good about myself, that I don’t know what’s my purpose in this world. It doesn’t matter if they didn’t want to respond to my rants, I just wanted someone who’s willing to listen to it. Because it means the world to me knowing that people do care. 

And sometimes, I really wished I know that particular person on Ask.fm that has been asking whether I’m doing okay or not, because I have so much things to tell him/her. I wanted to say thank you for the question because I felt so appreciated and I wanted to talk about life’s disappointment, cats, insomnia, depression, fears, soothing music, love, passions, and all the beautiful and ugly things in the universe. And I don’t mind talking to stranger for hours if that will makes me feel good about everything. I just wanted to do whatever that makes me happy and be in a place that makes me feel good about myself.  Sometimes I wanted to inspired people but most of the time I am the one who needs those inspirational people so much in my life. I can’t be an inspiration or a good example to the people out there if I don’t feel like me. I mean, how can I? I am basically nothing.

I’m so sorry for the negative energies that I’ve turned into a post.

I was just letting it out.

You Feel Me?

“Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid”

YES, beyond doubt. If it’s only going to make someone feels bad about themselves, don’t you think you should’ve just accept things the way it is and just give your support in any second plans that is almost happening instead of flaming the sadness that already burning on. I do understand that your opinions are really important and you have the rights to voice out your opinions, another undeniable thing. But please don’t ever forget that I do have my own point of views and I do have my own ways of trying to solve my doesn’t-goes-well-plan-for-plan A. By saying that, it doesn’t mean that I will not listen to what you wanted to say. In fact, I really think that your opinions are really important too. I takes things serious about your opinion but when it doesn’t matches with what I’m planning, I think it’s okay for me to have a little bit of my opinion and combine it with yours and all you have to do is to support me and surrounds me with your positive vibes. Because when it feels like things are started to fall apart, when I can’t clearly see which way I am supposed to take,  when I needed hope when everything seems hopeless, support from the people whom I loved the most is something that I needed more than anything else in this world. When you have the support from the important people in your lives, automatically there’s hope in you. You’ll begin to have faith in yourself and always trying to pour positive words to yourself. Isn’t that wonderful?

We might not know what will happen in the future but for sure God has greater plans for each and everyone of us. And while going through the process of God’s plan, I believe that we need to face various kinds of hardships in life in order to get there, God’s greater plan. And the very best thing to do is to not to compare your journey with another people’s. Because it is decided that in life we’re not going to have a same route as different people have a different life’s path. Sometimes I think that it is okay too to feel all sorts of downs feeling because it actually leads us to a better understanding of life’s most powerful lessons. I’m not saying that it’s easy to cope with it, plus it takes amount of time to feel better but all I can say is that it is worth it. Unfortunately, all those down feelings will not only appear in your life once, it’ll come frequently but on the bright side, you’ll handle it well than you were previously and you’ll be fine.

Those who stay positive even when I’m at my lowest are the best kind of people. You people owned my heart.   

HELLO!

I'm back on my blog again but as you can see it's a new blog. I've deleted the previous one. Why? Because I wanted something new and fresh. I did the same thing with my Instagram's account too. So, kind of like starting a new whole thing again. But then it feels good though.

I am away from home for almost a week right now. I will only needs to survive another one week and I can go home. Actually, the first planning is that I'll be away from home for few months but it happens that there's some missed communications and the conclusion is that I can go home after two weeks time. Which is a YEAY for me. To be honest, I really can't stand staying away from home. I missed everyone. There goes the saying 'Home is where the heart is'. Yep, it's undeniable. Yes, I know that I will need to leave home someday, I will do it but just not now. I feel like suffocating leaving home. It's like I've been stabbed in my throat by using a knife and I can't talk anything just tears flowing. Sounds ridiculous but that is what I'm feeling. I really can't wait to go home.

I kind of like feel so empty and alone here. It's not that they are not nice but it's just that I feel so.. alone and awkward. I guess I'm still not used to it. I was a little bit of surprised when I've been asked a question like this last night, "What type of person are you? I mean do you prefer to be alone in any situations or do you like a merrier surroundings? Or more like mingle with people." But of course the question is in Chinese since everyone here is Chinese. Well, I told her that I can do both. I mean I'm not really that kind of a quiet person. I can be loud too. I really loves to laugh but it depends on the situation and also depends with the people I hangs out with. I can't simply be crazy as what I am on the inside if I am not used to my surroundings. So basically people will think that I rather be alone than mingle around. Well, I have my own reasons though. I guess certain people will have this kind of feelings too when it comes to new surroundings which you need to adapt yourself into it.

But what I am really happy about is that I get to improved my Chinese HEHE. I sucks at Chinese since I don't have anyone to speak it with me back in hometown. But still, I haven't completely forgotten about it though.

I think that's all for now. Gewdbai :D